What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 05:48
He knew the spot.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
India Is Breaking Apart — Geologists Detect Deep Continental Fracture - The Daily Galaxy
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One cannot live in the past .
My Husband Drinks a Pot of Coffee a Day—So I Asked the Experts If That's Safe - EatingWell
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What’s up in the sky for June 2025? Arietid meteor shower, strawberry moon and much more - WTOP
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Trump-Musk row fuels 'biggest crisis ever' at Nasa - BBC
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
What did i know ?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Comes on , in middle age.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
S&P 500 futures rise ahead of May jobs report: Live updates - CNBC
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
How do I become a Buddhist, and can someone explain Buddhism to me?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But ive been too sick for many years..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
What happens when you get sick in a country with universal healthcare? What's the process like?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My family never makes their pension either.
I don,t even have a pension.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But it wasn’t much.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She married twice! .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
When she asked me how she looked .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
So whats the point in blame.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Ive learnt so much.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was seconnd youngest,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She loved him until the end.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I waited trembling.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We were not on the streets..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We all went to grammer schools
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But, we were locked up after school.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I have no regrets .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was very sick at this time too.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was 9 years of age.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
This is soul school!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So, i spoilt her more .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was scared of men, in general
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And i lived it daily.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
It was going to be , some day.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I write beautiful poetry .
I could never make a relationship work though!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Who then, do I blame.?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I said to her
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Put me off passion for life!!
She was in good health!
She wouldn,t have been !
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My life is so biszare .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Was to survive, this bastard.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Would this be the day?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
All the time i was locked up.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I will be 64.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I think the readers, may guess!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im still living with it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She found it foreign!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.